September 2007

The Doctor Is In                                                           September 2007

I love what I do for a living. I love getting on a stage and sharing my experiences with others. I love learning about new companies and industries just about every week of my life. And I love spending time with participants after a program to hear what they learned and how they plan to utilize the information to enhance the way they lead themselves and those around them.

A few weeks ago I met a lady named Rebecca who was eager to share her observations. I had spoken on Engaged Leadership, and shared with the group what I see as a solution to overcome employee disengagement. She ran up to me after the presentation and made the following remarks:

"I appreciated your thoughts on overcoming employee disengagement because I certainly have some employees who are disengaged. I plan to use your ideas with my team, but I'm wondering if it will work for my spouse. His disengagement at home seems to be impacting my mood, which I'm sure impacts the way I lead my employees, and I'm sick of it. Apparently I have to lead him like I lead my employees. What can I do to fix my disengaged husband?"

Wow! I'm not sure if she needed a leadership consultant or a therapist. I explained that the only qualifications I have to provide tips on marriage are limited to the fact I'm married, and my wife may argue that I have no business providing marriage tips at all! However, Rebecca made a great point when she stated that she needed to lead her husband. I always remind people that if they're married or have children, then they're in a leadership position.

I spent some time after my presentation discussing how some of the specific steps in Engaged Leadership can apply to her relationship. She then shared with me some of the steps she's taking to be a better leader of herself. As she spoke, I couldn't help but think about how they apply to the business world as well. They're all things we know to do, but in the heat of the battle (both at home and at work), we sometimes forget to do them. That day I got some good reminders, including:

Acknowledge your weaknesses

Have you ever worked for someone who had weaknesses that were so obvious to every one but the boss himself? You probably said, "If he'd just stop pointing out my weaknesses long enough to look in the mirror, he'd see all the weaknesses I have to deal with every day." Have you become that person in someone's eyes? You see, it's easy to search out the weaknesses of other people and point the finger of blame, particularly if we possess that constant need to always be right. But if you really want to enhance a relationship with a co-worker, a boss, an employee, or a spouse (or significant other if you're not married), start by looking at your own weaknesses. We're human, and we'll make mistakes. Perhaps making an effort to enhance our own shortcomings will inspire the other person to try a little harder.

Focus on the stuff that works

Once you've taken a serious look at your own weaknesses and committed to enhance your own performance, focus on what those around you are doing well instead of what they're doing wrong. Every relationship has good and bad aspects. When we get disgusted with someone (as Rebecca did with her husband's disengagement), it's easy to constantly focus on their shortcomings since it reinforces our opinion of their inadequacies. That may make us feel good, but it doesn't do anything to enhance the relationship.

Take action to make things better

Too many people sit around waiting for something to get better. They sit around and wait for the other person to change. Maybe this employee that won't come to work on time will suddenly change and become a star. Maybe this disengaged spouse will have an epiphany and be reminded of the value I bring to the relationship. If things aren't the way you want them to be, take action to improve it. Stop waiting for things to get better and start making them better.

I'm no doctor, and I don't pretend to know so much about relationships that I have all the answers. However, I know three things based on my own experiences at work and at home. One, mature and healthy relationships require mature and healthy adults to occupy them. Two, many of the answers to enhancing relationships with those we live with (and those we work with) are obvious and common sense if we're willing to step back and look at them. And three, we sit where we are today because of choices we've made. We have the power right this second to choose to be proactive in improving our relationships. By making that choice, we start to lead ourselves (and those around us) to real engagement.

Here's to the next lesson. God bless!

Enthusiastically, 

Clint Swindall - President & CEO

*Book Review

It's Not How Good You Are, It's How Good You Want to Be, by Paul Arden

Here's what I've been reading lately ...

I picked up this little book in the Chicago airport titled It's Not How Good You Are, It's How Good You Want to Be. The author is Paul Arden. I picked it up because I'd heard the author writes books that are easy to use and make sense. After getting through the book, I realized it's not much of a book in the traditional sense. Instead, it's a collection of random thoughts and observations that most of us have experienced in life.

This is the type of book you'll either hate or love. If you're looking for simple and inspiring reminders of good, common sense ideas, then you'll enjoy this book. If you're looking for something new, this book isn't for you. But as I've said many times before, our success in this world will not be determined by what we know --- it will be determined by what we do. This book is a great reminder to get us doing the things that will make us successful.

To purchase it online, visit Amazon.com.

* Raise a Glass

A reason to celebrate

This month we raise a glass to grandparents. Earlier this month (September 9th), the United States celebrated National Grandparents Day. The idea to recognize grandparents started with a housewife in Fayette County, West Virginia. In addition to wanting to champion the cause of elderly in nursing homes, this housewife (named Marian McQuade) hoped to persuade grandchildren to tap the wisdom and heritage their grandparents could provide. If you've ever had a grandparent, then you know the power of a grandparent's love. And if you are a grandparent, you know the power you have to influence the leaders of tomorrow. Sometimes the significance of grandparents goes unnoticed, but today, we raise a glass!

*Quotes

Inspirational thoughts

"The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but hold hands."
- Unknown

"The glue that holds all relationships together - including the relationship between the leader and the led is trust, and trust is based on integrity."
- Brian Tracy

"People may behave in ways that you find offensive. However, your relationship to them when they behave offensively is not determined by their behavior, it is determined only by how you choose to relate to that behavior."
- Wayne Dyer

*Question to Ponder

Some time to think

The longest-running, off-Broadway musical is entitled I Love you, You're Perfect, Now Change. I haven't seen it, but I understand it takes a humorous look at love in the modern world. I hope to see it one day, but quite frankly, in the meantime, the title tells me all I need to know.

I love you, you're perfect, now change. How many times in your life have you been guilty of living in a way that reinforces the title? We love an employee's qualifications and think they're perfect for the job, but work like crazy to change them into something else once we have them. Ironically, once we've changed them, we become dissatisfied with who they've become. And even more ironically, we blame them for not being who they used to be.

We do the same things in personal relationships. We fall in love with someone for who they are, but work like crazy to change them into someone else once we have them. Then one day we look at them and wonder why they aren't the same person we met. So that is my question for you to ponder this month. At the end of each day, I want you to ask yourself that one simple question ... is the cause of my dissatisfaction in a relationship because I haven't allowed someone to be who they truly need to be?